Hi everyone! Today I want to talk about the subject on everyone's lips at the moment... Mental health. In part I feel I need to talk because if at least one person reads this and feels the same way I do then perhaps they will take some comfort from it, but I also need to talk for purely selfish reasons. I need to talk about it because it has to come out somehow and this is my healthy way. I think that's acceptable, to talk about it just because you need to.
I have suffered with mental health problems since before my teens. It took until my mid twenties, however, to get an actual diagnosis. The years between starting to have symptoms and actually finally being given some sort of treatment were the hardest of my life and I still look back on those years and feel the pain and fear I experienced then. I lost many friends and relationships to my difficult and self destructive behaviour, I missed opportunities and irreparably altered the course of my life. I gave up on jobs, careers and education all because I didn't feel well enough or strong enough to take it on at the time and now I have nothing to fall back on. I am not alone in this, I know many people in my situation really struggle to hold down a job or carve out a career for themselves and it's horrible when you see your peers doing exactly that. They succeed in life and you feel like you never will. The regrets take much longer to heal than the physical scars. I am starting to look upon these past times that have lead me here as a blessing though. I am stronger now than ever and I have things in my life that I thought I would never have. If you had told me 5 years ago that I would have a wife, I would never have believed. I never felt I deserved it after the loss of so many relationships because of my issues. I didn't feel like anyone could handle me. As for the missed opportunities, I am working on changing that. It's never too late. I am currently still unstable in terms of moods and so I am not able to do a lot of things that people take for granted, but I'm getting there slowly. I am working on healing my mental and physical scars, including my weight (I'm an emotional eater) which I think in the long run will help to keep me on an even keel. I have hope for the future and I know that I will reach my goals. I hope that someone else will see that it's possible to get through this, because I now know that it it's possible. At some point in my recovery I felt like it was pointless and that I had nothing to recover for and I now know that's not the case Maybe someone reading this will feel the same and will realise that there is a point and as cliche as it is, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Feel free to leave a comment, always happy to hear what you've got to say!